How to spot a narcissist next time round before it's too late:
One of the most frightening things for people who have been in very destructive narcissistic relationships is the thought that the person they have a relationship with next might also end up being narcissistic and cause them even more suffering. Unfortunately this is not just an irrational fear. if you have experienced one narcissistic relationship your chances of experiencing another narcissistic relationship a much higher then people that have not had this experience. why you might ask is that the case. that's because for a large percentage of the people that have found themselves in narcissistic relationships have childhood wounding which subsequently causes them to alter their behavior, put others above themselves, and have very little connection with their own subtle internal feelings they feel through the day which would ordinarily give them an indication that something was amiss.
There are so many articles and videos out there giving lists of warning signs and potential warning signs of narcissists that you can refer to when dating someone new.
but firstly I want to say that narcissists are all very different, The dynamics are the same but the actions can be on the polar extremes and anywhere in between which makes spotting them very difficult in the beginning. you get many types of narcissists and they act differently for example the overt narcissist which most of these lists give warning signs for is totally different to the covert narcissist. in fact I think the covert narcissist would be considered not at all a narcissistic by most of the criteria on these lists.
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remember the covert narcissist is often the one humble, the good guy. you know, that supposedly caring guy who wants to know about your children and listens empathically. that is his false self. that's how he gets his narcissistic supply from other people by acting like that. there are also many other guises, so that makes it very difficult to pick up which ones on narcissist and which aren't.
so I'm not going to give you a list of things to look out for because I actually believe that doesn't help at all.
I think the most important thing to do is start paying attention to your own feelings inside while you are with that person. to make sure that you are meeting your own needs first. to pay attention to how you feel in the company of this person and I'm not talking about the in love feeling. how much you enjoy all the other interactions with this person and how this person reacts when you are meeting you are needs first on an ongoing basis. also picked up on the energy this person is emitting and how it is influencing you.
on some occasions it's going to take you a while to realize someone is narcissistic or dysfunctional, but you will notice it after a short while if you are paying attention to your own needs and feelings, and then you can move on with grace.
The more healed you are inside as far as your emotional wounds the less your chances of actually ending up in a serious relationship with a narcissist. that's why focusing on yourself is the most important criteria when it comes to narcissists and abuse.
unfortunately the narcissist is like water he just molds to whatever receptacle he is poured into so sometimes it's near impossible to pick up his narcissism from a checklist.
you are going to have to rely on your internal gauge. I believe this is the most important tool to living a healthy happy life and staying away from these dysfunctional characters.
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