I'm A Kid, But I Sound Like A Man
THEY ACTUALLY ANIMATED MY STORY
Published at : 22 Dec 2020
I’m a kid, but I sound like a man
Hi! My name is Adell T. Mann. And this is the true story of my life so far. You see, I am just a kid. I’ll have you know, i’m at least 13 years old. But I have the voice of a grown man. A milestone of a voice that one would like but prefers to see far ahead. It has caused much pain in my short life. If you’re thinking this is going to be one of those stories with gore and violence and teen pregnancy, my story will disappoint you. Heck, it will probably disappoint you anyway, but all I can say for sure, is that i’m a real kid who definitely exists.
I was born just like any other child, pondering the nature of the multiverse and whether human life has any true meaning, but also toys! One day, when I was just five years old, my parents found a greasy trash bag in a grocery store parking lot that contained a special juice box. The label said “Give to child to aid development.” They loved me so much and wanted the best for me. So, i’m sure you can understand why they immediately fed me the mystery trash juice.
A few days later while I was playing on the playground, a traditional kid activity, my friend Billy asked me to push him on the swing. In that very instant, I felt my voice deepen and a beard spring out from my chin as I responded: “Kids these days don’t know how to do anything for themselves! Heck, back in my day you had to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. nobody ever gave me a hand out.”
When Billy heard me, he was shooketh! It was kinda like that time when Kanye West took the microphone from Taylor Swift during the 2008 MTV video music awards. Am I right, fellow youths? That was only the beginning. I awoke the next morning at 5am with the strong urge to suckle on a Werther’s Original and embarrass my grandkids on social media. Only problem was, I was still a youngin’! I didn’t have grand kids, I was the grand kid.
The juice worked too well. Over the next few days, I was kicked out of elementary school for trimming my beard in class, my parents divorced because my dad was intimidated by my masculine energy, and my best friends didn’t want to play with me anymore, because I was no longer interested Pokemon or Minecraft, No: Now I just wanted to ramble on about REAL rock music and the advantages of a diverse investment portfolio. In other words, my life fell apart!
Looking for answers and meaning in this aimless existence, I took another look at that juice box and saw another label that said “Drinking this juice will give you a 1 in a trillion disease.” Of course! That explained everything. It was all clear to me now… as it should be to you. And there’s nothing more to say about that, so this story is over.
Has this happened to you? Let us know in the comments down below.